About
This Site
It’s my kinky side’s diary and window on the world. All things non-vanilla. Mainly, my love life (or lack thereof), thoughts on that, and related experiences. Also, explorations of my past sexual influences, relationships, mental journeys, and some cut-out bondage dolls. And probably some kvetching, reminiscing, and serious dorkiness.
What it’s not: a blow-by-blow account of my sexual and dominating experiences, tons of erotic stories, or loads of photos, me calling men bitches, and so on.
Why “Ms. Reciprocity”?
First, the “Ms.” (pronounced ‘miz’) is not based in D/s, doesn’t stand for Mistress, or any other arbitrary, self appointed title. I prefer NO ‘title’ except within my private D/s relationships. It’s a standard term of respect in western society for a single, independent woman. Miss is for single dependent women (as in still in their parents’ home), Mrs. is for married women…Ms. is for the middle ground. Which is where I am in life. And, it sounded best with reciprocity.
“Reciprocity” is how I operate. The inspiration comes from Chicago, the musical (which I’ve had memorized since probably age 7) and the movie. Momma Mayhem, the prison warden, has a song “Reciprocity”…. the refrain goes…”.. you put in for Momma, she’ll put out for you…”. It’s my approach to relationships. Give and take. I give as much or as little as I get; and I expect the same.
Me
I’m a single, sensual, dominant, kinky, neurotic, romantic 30-ish woman in Texas. Note, I don’t often call myself a ‘domme’ unless it’s prefaced with the word unconventional. I tend to attach certain qualities to that term that I don’t find apply to me; or rather that it is a very ‘flat’ term that doesn’t begin to encompass all that I am. Sexually, or otherwise. So if I don’t seem like any domme you know, it’s because I’m not.
I am an ex-stripper, retired escort, single mother, self-taught geek, a bit of a loner, and a lover of the study of human nature. Particularly sexuality and ‘kinks’; with over a decade in sex work, it’s become the common thread in the experiences and explorations of my life.
My dominant experience is both limited and wide. Let me explain: I have been pointedly dominating men on a mental/emotional level since long before I can recall a starting point. And I have explored a great number of BDSM activities and fetishes from the top, and a fewer number from the bottom- mainly as an escort, but also personally, to a lesser extent. I have had one relationship that in retrospect was most certainly D/s based; which began with him as the more dominant partner and shortly switched to a more Femdom-like cuckold relationship. Sort of (read about L. below).
I enjoy all kinds of physical acts- kinks and fetishes and vanilla sex alike. My take on them is probably a bit different due to my sex-work experiences; if I am able to understand the basis of a kink or fetish, I am fully able to enjoy it. But my personal turn ons are mainly emotions. I’m not generally inspired so much by a particular act, as I am by a particular partner, and the resulting connection that sharing and exploring power exchange and fetishes with allows. I do find that I have almost always enjoyed more dominant physical sex acts, and just sex in general. My libido is significantly higher than most women. I particularly enjoy foot/shoe and body worship, light and heavy bondage, CBT, ignoring/indifference, queening, and definitely hitting men with things. Whippy things more than thuddy things. Feminization, deeper humiliation, and chastity, I also enjoy- but really only within the confines of an intimate and healthy relationship. I do have a special place in my heart for cuckoldry, and not the ‘BBC’, promiscuous bimbo sort; but I feel it is a delicate ground to tread and would only explore it with just the right partner and lots of communication. And, yeah, pretty much all aspects of slavery make me giddy and wet.
Ok, so maybe I am inspired by ‘acts’. The point is, I’m fluid and flexible…I see dominance as no reason to limit the fun things I do to only those I know and like at this very moment. I know that what feels right, and ‘works’ with one partner, will feel wrong and bad with another; and I’m strong enough to bend with the needs of my partners, and learn in the process.
Caviats for reading my blog
Ok. First the capitalization thing. Actually, this can be wrapped up in one nice package with most all D/s ‘protocol’ that is widely in use as public behavior in the BDSM community. So, about use of D/s ‘protocol’ -or- the lack of use of it on this blog.
I understand the usefulness and need for it. But, I don’t apply it to anyone but those with whom I share a consensual D/s relationship. I don’t use the Capilalization Standards because I am rather picky about grammar and spelling, and it makes my eyes bleed. I do use it in my communications with a submissive, if our interactions call for it. But I don’t like strangers calling me Mistress any more than I like them calling me Mommy. It’s a term of endearance between myself and my submissives; and a stranger calling me that cheapens it. I don’t expect every submissive to address me with all caps for my pronouns and no caps for theirs, any more than I expect all men to call me their ‘girlfriend’ simply because I like men.
Ok, next, ’sex work’ and ’sex workers’. I use this term to broadly represent any ADULT who chooses to work (as ‘talent’, not behind the scenes) in the ’sex industry’- which includes strip clubs, porn, phone sex, pro-dommes, escorts, lingerie models, web cam performers…you get the idea. There is a darker side of the sex industry that includes non consensual workers, ’spy cam’ type arrangements, street-walkers, and scams; which I tend to put in an ‘other’ category- these too are sex workers but not by choice, and that is (unless specified) not what I am discussing here. Also, many ask me, if I have been retired for several years , why mention it at all? Simply, why not? It is a big part of who I am; it informed much of my early adult sexuality. I’m not ashamed of it, nor do I hold any residual ill will for men or sex work. And I’d never give up the lessons it has taught me, about sex and sexuality of course; but also about men, life, love, and the human condition.
The Other Players
This whole blogging thing gets complicated sometimes; and back story is always helpful. So these are the characters in my story I’ll probably blog about most and a bit about them and our history.
My Romantic Interests
Current
Past
sparky.
I casually dated sparky starting in October 2007, for about a year. It’s a long time for casualness; which results from a few things: lack of time spent together, and lack of spark. Which frustrated me as sparky is a really great guy and I like him. He has many qualities I appreciate immensely, he is thoughtful and reliable, takes good care of himself, and is very obedient. He lacks communication skills that allow his passions to show and that is difficult for me, as a very vocal passionate person. We ended up being business partners about half a year after breaking up, and he was a wonderful partner to deal with for the most part.
L./the ex/my ex cuckold
L. and I had a strange relationship that lasted in full almost 8 years. He encouraged me to escort and cuckold him, and yet it was a subject we never actually communicated about. Our relationship opened up my kinky side. Or, more accurately, lifted the veil on my dominance for me. It ended with the cuckolding and escorting being used as a scapegoat for our many problems, and of course this wasn’t the only reason for things ending- but it was a big part. This left me questioning my own kinks and of course- many other things; and I spent a number of years recovering from this devastation. But eventually my self exploration led me to where I am now, which I like. He re-appears about quarterly, and I try to ignore him. He makes that pretty easy.
p.
p/peter is an online player. We’ve held a detante for about three years now. It’s not possible to explain in brief. There is a deep connection between us. He alternately embraces and denies it, and we’ve never been able to initiate a real relationship. Issues beyond each of our control also contribute, but not enough to hang the real reasons upon. I’ve walked away over and over again. I have great visions for us but will only be able to reveal them should they happen. But in truth he has been a truly disrespectful ass for the most part and I do my best to remember that. The heart sometimes doesn’t let me but I still try.
k.
I don’t think I wrote about him for long, but k. was a professional 40-something in NYC who wrote beautiful letters in reply to my own, and came and went once or twice himself. After several months of rather pitiful effort, he decided he wasn’t really submissive…but was ‘just to[me]‘. And then, just gradually stopped keeping in touch. I only note him here because I think he’s mentioned in some early posts.
Other Characters
C.
My college age daughter. Not that she will be a big subject here but she’s the biggest thing in my life and it does affect my relationships and romances; thus she may be mentioned from time to time. C. is faster to type than my daughter every time. And NO, I am NOT teaching her to be a Domme. F-ing GROSS. Being a kinky woman does not translate into being a bad parent or sharing my sexuality or kinks with my child- or anyone else inappropriate for that matter. Eeeew, Eeeeeww, EEEEWWWWW!!!! If you thought of asking me that question I advise you to go away from this website now and never return.