Imagine this title as almost hysterical laughter with a hint of starting to go nutty.
Posted on January 13, 2010
Filed Under Uncategorized
Sooo. Ha.
C., my college bound kid, the one I was preparing to drive to dorms tomorrow morning, got a last minute denial to her application to her college of choice. She’d already been denied once due to very poor grades her senior high school year, and was given the opportunity for guarantied admission if she enrolled at a community college for a specified number of hours and maintained a certain GPA. Apparentlty, her GPA was not nearly what she expected it was, and she did not bother to check on what it actually was before submitting her final requirements for the delayed entry application. And due to finances, we were on the very latest end of dates for getting that paperwork in- which is how we end up here, with the car already packed, the arrangements all already made, without a final decision.
Yep.
All that hard work trying to figure out what to do for *myself* … out the door, and who knows when I will be able to focus on making them anew. Of course, I am disappointed. Actually far beyond disappointed. And angry. But… expressing those things to her does no good now. And it’s a practiced skill I’ve learned to push my own pressing and urgent needs down to meet hers so doing so now is just instinct. I am sure that once sorted out, this will work out for the best and I can go back to focusing on myself. But right now it is pretty hard not to feel pretty shat upon by the whole universe, my daughter included. Especially since the best thing for me to do for her is simply be as supportive as possible and not voice my disappointment or point out the already obvious ways this affects my own plans (also already very difficult to have reached and arranged); while I have made a solemn promise to myself to not DO THAT to myself any longer. Of course I want what is best for her, and of course I don’t resent being her mother, and of course I didn’t expect that to end just because she was moving to college…it’s just…this has been a plan in the making since June of last year. The specifics anyway. And it’s hard to have to give up what I had made for myself in order to make up for having to give up everything in the first place, all over again.
Guh.
I need to hit someone really fucking hard. Really. Fucking. Hard.
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