So, what does this all mean?
Posted on January 12, 2010
Filed Under Uncategorized
This is the big college move-in week, which is why I haven’t made daily posts and might not over the next week or so. Holding tightly to my few days of at-home-parenthood left.
But I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge that the last few posts are primarily for myself; very emotional streams of thought. I don’t want anyone alarmed. I haven’t dropped my basket. I’m just processing, a lot. It helps me to write…but I won’t do it if it just sits unseen.
Fortunately my outlook is more positive than negative. This is a time brimming with opportunity. While that is also what is so terrifying, I know I can take advantage of them even while terrified. And I am determined to take advantage of the opportunities that make life most pleasurable.
I am very much looking forward to my travel from Texas to … somewhere in the northeast (yes, I do know where, just don’t want you all to). I plan to stop in New Orleans, Atlanta, and Memphis, each, for a few days…visit old spirits, listen to good music, and eat…so much of everything. My finances are tenuous but far better than they have been for some time. The kiddo is taken care of, funds wise. There are many things left on the list but the bare essentials which looked like they might not be met, have been.
And I am just preparing myself. Rewriting the day to day things that make up my world, and entering an amorphous time. Training myself to think of … myself, outside of the hour or two I might devote to dominating some man from time to time. Reducing my obstacles and unnecessary obligations one by one. And I am making a deliberate choice to change my self identity. It has been, for nearly twenty years, that of a struggling single mother. True as it might have been, it isn’t who I ever wanted to be. So I am now changing that, and it requires some pretty tormenting internal conversations. Which may spill over onto my blog for a little while. Don’t let it worry you.
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